John0:08
There was a time when I went dark on a vendor. This is a ghost story, but the vendor probably doesn't even know about it. I had three demos from the CEO over an 18-month period. I think vendors like doing demos with me because I tend to shift into mentor mode and give feedback on the product and the pitch. After those three demos, not once did I receive a quote. This vendor's in the AI space, so they have a lot of tailwind, but for the sake of the momentum they're enjoying, I'd prefer a quote. It also led me to believe that once I was a customer, my customer success would be dismal.
Peter0:52
So I've got another story, a bit of a reverse example of what not to do if you don't want school leaders to start ghosting you. It's a story of how one overbearing executive lost a six-figure renewal and caused the school's program director to resort to ghosting him. Some background: the company secured a six-figure deal with a very large private school network. The network's board had approved the initiative with a lot of support from an internal champion, the program director, who was the primary point of contact and initially very enthusiastic about piloting the program. Then the executive committed a series of tactical errors by overcommunicating, meetings that could have been emails, three to five emails a week with different ideas under the guise of offering as much support as possible, continuous data requests to make the district a case study. Eventually the champion got so overwhelmed they stopped responding entirely. The executive didn't understand what they did wrong, I was just trying to support our biggest customer, they said. Then they made another mistake: the week before a major board decision on the six-figure renewal, when the exec could have flown out, apologized to the champion, taken the assistant superintendent out for dinner, done a lunch-and-learn for the whole education team, and done some damage control, they didn't, and left it up to fate. Safe to say fate wasn't on their side, and they didn't get the renewal.
John2:33
Not the right strategy. That sounds like teaching, right? Good teachers meet students where they are. It sounds like the CEO didn't read the room, didn't try to meet the buyers where they were, and didn't devise a strategy that made them the center of what they were doing.
Peter2:52
I think you're right.
John2:55
Jumping right into the pain point: a lot of vendors feel you do a great demo, then you follow up, and nothing. Today we're talking about why K-12 buyers go dark and what to do about it.
Peter3:11
So, John, we've discussed how vendors overemphasize the demo as the turning point in the buyer journey. Be honest, do you have another example of ghosting a vendor after a demo? Was it real reasons like internal priorities shifting, budget getting reallocated, comparing vendors, or just the awkwardness of saying no to someone who spent an hour demoing for you?
John3:40
I have no problem saying no. But in this case, you hit it on the head, it was shifting priorities, which happens a lot in schools. There could be budgetary reasons, or initiatives that come to the front burner while others go to the back burner. It's a kitchen, right? The way it worked: I engaged about a dozen vendors in a product area with a lightweight RFP. A lightweight RFP is a questionnaire, not a heavy lift, but it has our core requirements and lets vendors align with what we need. They provided a quote, and I used the RFP to identify three finalists we invited in for a demo with multiple stakeholders. I like the RFP because it guides the demo and streamlines it to what's important to us. Without it, vendors highlight the features they want most, which makes it hard to compare apples-to-apples. Then another major system took priority. I sent an email to everyone involved explaining that I appreciated their effort and we were putting this on the back burner, likely to pick it up in the future. Every vendor was cordial. This was three years ago, and a month ago I rekindled the project and contacted everyone who had completed the lightweight RFP to update it with capabilities they may have added. Every vendor was cordial, it was relationship building, and I'll probably give extra credit to any salesperson still there from my initial consultation years ago.
Peter5:40
That's not always the case, though.
John5:44
From the vendor side, Peter, what's the most emotional spiral you see founders go through when they get ghosted?
Peter5:52
Spiral is exactly the right word, and it usually shows up in the desperate email follow-up sequence. It starts with a just-checking-in email, then wanted to bump this, then did you get my last email, and sometimes even, hey, you haven't been responding to my emails, want to make sure you've seen this. On the opposite side, vendors sometimes assume the deal is dead and walk away too early. This touches on an almost psychological instinct, ghosting triggers our fear of rejection. We either chase harder and come off as needy, or retreat completely like a wounded animal. Neither serves the relationship. John, when a vendor follows up after you've gone quiet, what makes you more likely to respond versus hit delete?
John7:02
Good question. A generic checking-in email with a guilt trip, delete. The same unanswered email forwarded to me over and over by the same person, highlighting that I haven't responded even though there's no reason I should, fast delete. Something useful, an article, a case study, something relevant, a new feature, respond. A webinar to keep me interested, because if a vendor's on my radar I do want to keep up with them. I appreciate a good quarterly newsletter that's not all about the product, it's about how the company is doing, the founders, roses and thorns. A response that says, we know the time might not be right, but if you don't have any interest, please let me know, I appreciate that. I appreciate the soft pedal of the sales, and that they acknowledge the timing might be wrong or there might not be alignment between my needs and their product. Very professional. We've added features we didn't have last time you reviewed our product, fast response. And when the person knew the reason I didn't select them as a finalist, because I was clear and transparent through my lightweight RFP, and they reached out, I was excited. That's the basis of a good relationship.
Peter9:02
It really sounds like they're actually listening to you.
John9:06
Peter, what are two or three tactical things vendors can do instead of just checking in?
Peter9:14
One of my favorite approaches is the permission-to-close-the-file email. The rep writes something like, I'm assuming this isn't a priority right now, unless I hear otherwise I'll close out the conversation, but I'm happy to reconnect when the timing is right. Why it works: it removes pressure, respects your time, and often triggers a response. Another strategy is to add value instead of asking for updates, sharing something relevant to your problem, not their product, a funding deadline, a case study, an implementation template. Lastly, know when to move a prospect into long-term nurture. K-12 sales cycles can be 6 to 18 months. Silence after one demo doesn't mean no, it often means not yet or not right now. This is what we mean by marketing 95% of the time, staying top of mind for when the budget or timing aligns. Add them to your newsletter, invite them to webinars, share relevant case studies, and stay visible without being pushy. John, from the buyer side, is there ever a right way for a vendor to ask you why you went dark?
John10:52
I want to give a shout-out to all the examples you just mentioned, because I've been on the receiving end of those and appreciated them. To me it's a relationship builder, not someone asking for a transaction. They're not pressuring for a deal, they're just saying, do we have an opportunity here, and if not, why? I'm a relationship builder, and I respect the time and energy vendors spend on me. The lightweight RFP is the context of what I'm looking for, those are my priorities. The vendor either gets closer to my requirements, or, most importantly, realizes we're not an opportunity and doesn't waste more resources on me. I'm an anti-ICP, it's time to move on.
Peter11:42
From the vendor side, a way to frame this is to ask, hey, we're always trying to improve, was there something about our approach that didn't fit? The best salespeople are genuinely curious about why they lost. Most are just too afraid to ask.
John12:00
That's key. Reflecting is part of learning, it's called metacognition, and salespeople and go-to-market strategies could use a heavy dose of it. In my case the lightweight RFP makes it easy and transparent. Here's an example: we were looking for software to manage our after-school activities, rostering, billing, and a parent-facing portion. We saw vendors, did my RFP, and compared. Some vendors gave the software away and made revenue on credit card transactions. As a deal breaker, we wanted a fixed cost to lease or subscribe, we didn't want to pay credit card transactions. I told them, you're kind of nuts, because all schools already have billing capabilities, and the tuition we charge is an order of magnitude larger than any fees we generate from auxiliary programs. I said, you may want to reconsider this. The product had scored very highly on our RFP in the weighted categories. Time goes by, I'm walking the dogs, and I think, I wonder what happened to that great company that met all our needs but had the wrong pricing model. So I shoot them an email: hey, it's been a year, things going well? They got back and said, actually, we've redone our pricing model and it's more in line with what you wanted. They're now a finalist in the category we're looking at. I would have preferred them to reach out to me. In a perfect world they'd have known that was a sticking point and that we were enthusiastic, because they checked almost all the boxes. This is a case where being transparent helps, and reaching out when a deficiency has been corrected. It's a negotiation, an extended relationship, back and forth. It's not go away and never come back, it's, you're not right today, maybe you're right tomorrow, maybe never, but how can we work together if we can at all?
Peter14:42
You live and you learn. To wrap up, let's both share one thing vendors should do this week if they've got prospects who've gone dark. I'll start: audit your stale pipeline. Pick three ghosted prospects, send one permission-to-close email, and track what happens. Curious to hear if you get responses.
John15:14
I'm not a big fan of ghosting people, given it only takes about a minute to send an email saying thanks but no thanks, or even give some of the reasons why, product didn't meet our needs, too expensive, not enough use cases, not enough customer testimonials. Because you'll probably revisit any product category every five years, it does no good to throw away all that work. Better to keep the bulk of it and incrementally add over time than to start from scratch every five years.
Peter16:02
Silence isn't a strategy, not for vendors, not for buyers. John, thank you for your time.
